I’m pretty sure the royal family reads this publication. A few weeks ago I addressed Prince Harry’s nude Las Vegas romp and asserted that naked royalty doesn’t really do much for me. And then along comes Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, trying to change my mind.
In case you weren’t aware (i.e. you don’t actually have some sort of Nude Royal app on your phone), topless photos of Kate have done the rounds after appearing in a French magazine. At least, I think they’re topless. I tried Googling them for the purpose of ogling them but not only did I have trouble getting the pictures, it took about two minutes before I started hating myself for finally having turned into one of those people who uses the internet to look for boobs.* (I consoled myself with the fact that at least I’m not so serious about getting a look at Kate’s boobage that I’d fly to France just to visit a newsagent.)
Anyway, Kate and Prince William have launched legal action over the photos, which were taken from more than a kilometre away. The concept that clear shots could be taken from such a distance was clearly amusing to a guy I overheard on public transport this week, who said – I assume jokingly – “I had no idea her chest was even that big”.
The legal action hasn’t deterred an Italian rag from also publishing the photographs. The editor of Chi magazine, Alfonso Signorini, says Italian law permits the printing of the photos on the grounds that, among other factors, “the photos weren’t morbid”. Which certainly wouldn’t have been the case if they’d shown the Queen in the same situation. (Ugh – we are not aroused.)
Given their feelings of privacy violation plus their keen awareness of the volatile relationship Princess Diana had with the paparazzi, I understand William and Kate’s outrage and disappointment over the photos being taken and published. On the other hand, I’m a bit disappointed, too. Fergie got photographed having her toes sucked, for crying out loud. Couldn’t Kate have made a bit of an effort and been snapped having her armpits licked by a ferret?
Besides, I can’t help but feel that if you’re a royal (or indeed anyone with a public profile) you should probably know better than to go tops-off in the open air. Yes, Kate was on a private balcony but I will maintain: if you can feel the breeze on them, probably best to tuck them away.
The excuse that something was done “privately” doesn’t cover everything, so to speak. Take the celebrities who have sex tapes that suddenly become public: if you don’t want something to come back and bite you on the bum, don’t drop your dacks in the first place.
Although I must admit that occasionally, I wish the Bloke and I had made a sex tape. The only reason being that after collapsing into bed, exhausted at the end of each day and with a kid who still thinks nothing of calling out for us at all hours of the night, it would be nice to at least have the footage (as opposed to the child) to remind us that we actually did that sort of thing…
*You know who you are.
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